I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We need to get me chipped asap
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize