oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
