She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
