You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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