I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
