My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
