I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
its liver damage thursday
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
