Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i barfeds in our rink
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
