I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
