when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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