I just made out with a guy for $7.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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