I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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