my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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