She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
