Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize