there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
