Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
