im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
