his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
