Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
