I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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