i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
