I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
