What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
