it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
