i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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