I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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