ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
