I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
