Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Verdict: uncircumcised.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
