it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
