where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
