What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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