just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Girls should come with a carfax report
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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