My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
