So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
