I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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