I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She even gives head with a lisp.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
