9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
