Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
