ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
