I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
