Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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