I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
