I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
