How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
