Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
