I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
A bitchslap is in order.
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