My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
