Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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