My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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