they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You're like the curious george of whores
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
