He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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