Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
