I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
