i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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