My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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