Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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