I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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