I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
