He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
