Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
