Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
