watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
