i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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