I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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