dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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