WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
