remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
