There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
