Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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