dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
