yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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