Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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