last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
