I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
