capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
