I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
