I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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