Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize