My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I love you. Go after that dick
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
