Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
