I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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