dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
