I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
