Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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