it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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