there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
