After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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