Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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