The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
