Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have grass duct taped all over my body
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
