What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
