I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
