So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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