return my video game
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
