I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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