i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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