why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
