Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
