life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
