I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
