I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
