I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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