wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
